There was a saying in a movie I watched in the early 90’s that said “for better or worse, she is the voice in my head”.
The reason this statement came to mind today is because I have been thinking a lot about repairs and the challenges they bring. When we start to repair the damage left by our abusers, it is their voice that takes up the most real estate in our heads, theirs that yells the loudest.
There will be come a period of time when, despite the desire to heal from the abuse, that voice, their voice, will be telling you the same nasty, negative b**s*** they told you while you were together.
Do any of these sound familiar? “You’re so selfish for leaving the kids with a sitter to take a class!”, “what makes you think you deserve to happy? You couldn’t even keep me happy!”
I could go on but I think we both know what I’m talking about here. We have all heard the rhetoric. We have all had these words used as weapons, thrown at us like rocks meant to injure our wings, stones meant to leave dents and bruises on our hearts and holes in our self confidence.
So, how do you move forward? How do you repair what they have broken, fill the holes and mend our broken wings?
You know, just between us, I struggle with one of the most accepted social media concepts out there. I hear it on television, I read on the cover of magazines and online and it that states – quite confidently I might add –
“ Here are 5 tips to recovery” or “ 7 steps to moving on”.
Isn’t that wonderful! We are all fine! 7 steps everyone! You need not read any further! Everyone can recover by just following a few measly steps and you will no longer feel as though you are alone in the world struggling to find your way. This is not realistic my friends….
The reality is that while social media is pumping out article after article like these, there is no shortcut. There is no Coles Notes or cheat sheet to recovery. If there was I wouldn’t be writing this blog, and you wouldn’t be reading it today.
We are preparing to take a journey together and over the next few blog posts, I am going to dig into what it takes to heal from abuse. Healing is a process…..you need time to recover, you need understanding, support, and deep personal authentication. I am here for you. I am here to help you spread your wings again. To remind you that you are not crazy! This is real! This happened to you! None of this was your fault! You DO have the ability to move on despite your self doubt….despite the fact that you feel you cannot. I am here with you and together we can do this.
The best place to start with healing is creating safety. In my next post we will delve into this. Seriously, how do you create safety when you have been isolated, or abused, or had your life twisted by a narcissistic person? Check back and we will explore best practices and ideas.