My favorite researcher once referred to her safe people as her “Marble Jar People” (Brene Brown).
“Marble Jar People” is a term she coined to describe the currency in relationships. She describes that currency as marbles which go into a ‘bank’ of sorts. In this case it is a jar, whether real, or imagined. That means that when they do something good you add a marble to your jar or vice versa. Then you take one out of it when you feel they have done something negative. Just like a bank account, you can have deposits or withdrawals.
When someone is always there for you there is a reciprocation to adding into each other’s marble jar.
These are the people that you can truly count on. They are the ones that love you unconditionally. You give as many marbles as you receive so if something happens there is enough in the bank to sustain whatever that is that might take more from one of you. There are some people that you put into their jar but they only take from yours and vice versa. If this is
occasionally done then the relationship can possibly withstand it. If however it is a constant situation where you give and they only take then that might be a toxic relationship.
The interesting thing about this idea is that we often forget about the marble jar we have for ourselves. How much have you put into yourself?How much have you taken out? Take a few minutes to think who your marble jar people are. I want you to now look at that list and examine more closely if it is an honest reflection. Maybe you left someone out or maybe you added someone in out of guilt. A small list shows that you have the right people on there. I hope that you can add yourself on it if you don’t have it there yet. Creating safety is more than just looking at who your marble jar people are however, it is a good place to start. The next blog post will look into personal resources. Have a great day and remember to cultivate relationships worth having.